New Ish 2

Woke up this morning, my feet hit the floor..

Said to myself, wonder where I’ll go…

Thought to myself, should I try to show her more?

Lied to myself, knowing the answer should be no..

Opened myself, I let you tear down my walls..

Showed myself to you, I let you let yourself in..

Convinced myself, it was worth the risk, it was worth it all..

Cried to myself, the night you let me fall…

Drunk to myself, shot whiskey through my brain…

Kept to myself, all the things I wanted to say..

Cried to myself, the night you left me in the rain..

Told myself, it’ll get better, there’s a better way…

Not sure of myself, not knowing where I went wrong..

Scared of myself, as my heart grows colder..

Writing to myself, that’s why I’m writing this song.

Remembering myself, as the years grow older..

New Ish.

They say when your drunk you say what you feel..

When you sip that drink your words become real…

Speaking my mind, and wasting the time..

All just a cover to throw you a line…

This heartbeat in my head, it doesn’t show or reveal…

It keeps your memory alive in my head, firm as steel..

A short time yes, but just long enough,

To make me think this could be…the good stuff…

A fear so fragile, because of a heart so burnt…

A man, scared to death, to let himself hurt.

You would think by now, his lesson would be learned…

You’d think by now, his heart would be cured…

Don’t come back for me, don’t come back at all..

When you realize what you lost, I hope you fall..

Hit your knees so hard, your heart hits the fan…

You know how it feels, to hurt like this man..

Random Musings

Standing on the ledge, this cliff some people call life

Not knowing where to turn, questioning where to hide.

Jumping in my mind, turning back in my head

I wonder what stands there, over that ledge..

A new experience, something far from here

A life without worry a life without fear?

Or maybe something worse, a pain so great

Once I jump then fall, it will be too late…

I don’t have the answers, I don’t  have a clue

All I know is everything here, it seems so new.

Maybe it’s not a cliff, rather a launging pad,

An area of experience, to something I’ve never had.

What if the reason I cant see, is really only there, to protect me?

What if my life to be, is something I’m not supposed to see.

All these questions, not a single answer..

In my mind, I feel like an foreign dancer.

Constantly spinning and turning, so soft so gently,

This thing of life, is a thing of beauty..

I just wrote another song at 3am! LETS GO

So I kinda like to write.  Actually, I love it.  I write so much stuff.  I write alot, so I'm not sure if you guys can decipher the meaning behind the stuff that I do decide to post.  So from now on, when I post, I'll tell you the meaning, the purpose behind the song.

The basic theme for this song, is how we let our past experiences with love and relationships, dictate, and often ruin something much greater in the future.  I start in 09, in the past, and try to work my way forward, to the present, describing many missed opportunities I wish I would have taken, but didn't because of fear coming out of my first real heartbreak my freshman year of college.  This song is about a real experience for me.  Not slamming the girl I dated back in 09.  Rather singing about escaping the fear the heartache tortured me with for the next couple years.  I missed some chances at some pretty special things, because I let the fear of heartache dictate my choices.  The memory of that pain, caused me to hurt others, hurt myself, and pretty well choke some things that could have been great.

 This song is about that emotion, that feeling, because we all feel it.    We are scared to love again, because of how our heart hurt in the past.  It's something thats real, and if we can learn from our past and grow, and overcome it, well be better off in the end.  

Hope yall enjoy..

(Verse  1)

These 10 weeks of summer, are coming to an end…

And me I was where I started, stuck in that place again..

I could feel the wind behind me, as the rest of life passed me by…

But me I stood there haunted, my memories, frozen in time…

It’s been a couple years now, but you still cross my mind..

A place I left so quickly, I left it all behind..

Not knowing where it would take me..I just closed my eyes and prayed..

Searchin’ for an answer, it got lost somewhere along the way…

(Chrous 1)

Yeah I  was kinda hopin…you’d never cross my mind again..

When I found a greater love, I’d know better of, than go back to your memory bed..

And now I’m forgetting…all the things I learned along the way..

My mind goes back in time, to that summer of 09’, and the way I felt that day…

(Verse 2)

If only for a minute, I could rewind time…

I’d go back to where I met ya, and never throw  that line…

Whenever love came knockin, you were  always there in my head…

Telling me that I’m not worthy, that she can’t make me love again…

 A year and 6 months later, yeah I believed that lie…

Tellin me I’m not worthy, that love’s a waste of time..

Too late I realized, what you made me miss, all along..

You forced your hand of brokenheartedness, yeah long after you were gone…

(Chorus 2)

Yeah now I’m sitting here knowin…youll never cross my mind again

You see when I found a greater love, something far better of,  I let you kill it in the end..

And now I’m forgetting.. all the fears you placed along the way…

My mind goes back in time, to the summer of 09’, as I laugh at your memory today..

(Bridge)

I let your pain drown me, it burned me to the core..

1 year 8 days later, yeah my heart was still all tore..

When I tried to love again, the fear crept into my head, reminded by you, again…

And now I’m singin…

(Chorus 3)

Yeah now I’m sitting here stronger, strong as I’ve ever been…

Next time I find a greater love, something far better of, you won’t even know it in the end.

And now I’m praying..for all the love I lost along the way..

My mind goes back in time, to summer this July, as I remember a smile today…

These 10 weeks of winter..are coming up on me..

I can feel the fire its burning, burning back into me…

I just wrote a song? at 3am? with a 101 degree fever?!

(Verse 1)

the world is spinning round and round

And all my thoughts are all so down..

You smile, burning deep inside my mind.

I try to turn you off for just one minute

This song, always playing in my head..

I think that theres no way that I can win it..

This war, that’s left my heart so dead.

(build)

I took a leap of faith, you see,

I gave you every part of me

Only to be broken in the end..

(Chorus)

I’m staring at the sky, looking at forever,

I can’t see a way without you there,

I cant live this reality, it’s taken every part of me,

So take me, take me far away from here, far from here…

(Verse 2)

The days go on, the pain it just gets harder,

Knowing that your fine without me there..

I tell myself tomorrow will be better…

Til the night comes,  I swear the devil plays unfair..

They say this life is cruel, and love is wicked,

But I’ll challenge that to it’s deepest core..

When my mind begins to think about,

All the things we’ve forgot about,

I remember, a love once more…

(build)

I can’t shake your memory

It’s haunting every part of me

Burning, a black around my heart..

(Chorus)

I’m staring at the sky, looking at forever,

I can’t see a way without you there,

I cant live this reality, it’s taken every part of me,

So take me, take me far away from here, far from here…

(Bridge)

Cause when you were her I felt so alive,

But now that’s your gone I feel so deprived,

And what do I say to make you stay,

What do I do to bring you back to mee..

Cause I can’t shake your memory,

It’s haunting every part of me

Just come back, and make it all alright…

(Chorus)x2

I’m staring at the sky, looking at forever,

I can’t see a way without you there,

I cant live this reality, it’s taken every part of me,

So take me, take me far away from here, far from here…

(Final Verse)

When you look up at the moon, don’t forget it,

That night I held you in my arms,

You looked at me and said, I never want this night to end

But here we are, and it makes no sense to me…

It's been a few days...

Since I have shared my thoughts with you on The 206.  Welcome back.  My last set of blogs, was a challenge I made to myself, blogging about how I saw Jesus in every day of my life.  I made it to day 38.  I took a well needed rest.

Anyways, today, I want to get back into blogging.  This summer has gone by ever so slow, I love to write, so why not.  When I write, I feel more complete, I feel as if, I'm doing something with my time, something worthwhile.  Since we've last spoken, a few things have changed.  I'm no long enrolled at Liberty University.  I have transferred to Virginia Tech to study Geographic and Geo-spatial Technologies.  I have a pretty sweet job on the New River, working at a campground.  I bought a car, paid cash.  Life hasn't been as bad as I've made it out to be these past few months.  

So anyways, I'm back.  Word.

Day 38

I saw how big God is today.  He makes the calls not us.